My Fats to Discipline

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The best thing about having a me time is that you can just be yourself and perform whatever you fancy doing. I am not so sure if this manifests good impression of me when I see myself doing not so much to indicate a beneficial perspective on what I would try to accomplish for myself. There are times I become disappointed for not doing what I ought to practice. I am supposed to be more responsible. I have no discipline at all. I've been lazy. I have wasted a lot of opportunities and I am sorry for myself. Sigh.

New Years Resolutions are such cliches, but I realize the benefit of holding one or two even though there are not much development in setting one or two. I believe the power of abstaining more than keeping a resolution because it is a practice of doing it now or never and you want to carry on once you started dedicating it for the cause of conquering what you have conceived to be inevitable in certain times.

I must admit that I sometimes believe, judging from physical appearance would win over getting to know the person much deeper. Famous detectives like Sherlock Holmes, Hercules Poirot, Miss Marple, The Mentalist, The Hardy Boys, Jupiter Jones and Charlie Chan have the super talent to resolve the mysteries just looking at physical appearances that support logic. Will there be a fine line between judging and forming a conclusion. I suppose the fine line is the level of authority in exercising it. Even so everybody in one way or another judge regardless of authority. And sometimes a person's gut feelings would tell exactly what it is. Judging is innate no matter we were told many times that we should not judge so you will not be judged. And so my physical appearance and the way I project myself in the world cannot escape the torment of being judged. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Yet giving my best foot forward and attempting to please everybody is ridiculous. 

And so what about my fat body? I know criticism is just around the corner over being fat. Being fat displays no discipline. Implying being on the X-plus size mark by being careless is such a judgmental perspective. You don't know me - is such a defensive remark. I don't need to explain that I have worn good amount of blubber most of my lifetime. I think my digestive system is in a slow mode. It is not easy to lose weight quickly. However why should I need to explain? I have been trying and it is so darn hard. Lack of discipline? Yeah, I think you are right for now. But I am going back to put me in shape not because I was forced by peer pressure, but because I want to take care of myself. I may not lose all the fat in me, but I surely want to be in a better shape. Go judge my fats because some of it will stubbornly stay there regardless of exercise and diet for all I care.

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