THE NEXT ACT

Respecting yourself lies in achieving what you have promised on doing for yourself. I promise myself to wake up early every morning for a good work out. I promise myself to refrain from eating pork and rice not for dieting but for pasting as a prayer for a certain concern. I promise myself to set a what-to-do list so that everything will be organized. I promise to be tidy. I frequently disrespect myself. How could I earn more respect from others when I myself do not respect myself by not being firm on decisions? I got to do something about this. I got to get to the bottom of this. What stops me from doing the essentials? Most of the time, I reason out in order not to achieve them. I got to wake up late because I unavoidably lacked sleep the night before. I am usually not in good mood when I don’t eat rice. There’s no time to clean since everything is in a rush. Baloney! Sometimes I think of refraining from making promises so that there will be nothing to be disappointed about. But...

I finally got to watch the Music Video of Kamekase’s Martyr Nievera as my curiosity was triggered by the notes of Bernice. It’s Kinda like Videos of Parokya. Are they related in some ways? Same manager perhaps. Nowadays I am always late with everything when we talk about watching. I watched Superman Returns just last Friday. It took me to have a spare time in my travel to Iloilo City for watching Da Vinci all by myself. All by myself literally inside the cinema since everyone has watched it. I watched a portion of Million Dollar Baby in HBO. I hope Brokeback will follow soon.

This morning I have jogged outdoor for the first time since the treadmill broke down. Nostalgia. Back to panting with fresh air. Sweat is so hard to produce for it was colder outside than when I was doing it in the gym. I must admit I miss running in UP. It’s not bad at all if I would go back to old routine. Suddenly I was looking for old faces who used to jog here. Where are they now? Students get younger and younger. One thing is different. I wore walkman before. Now I carried my MP3 player. Ipod is too much for me. For I only bring music to hear, not to store. But that’s another story.

Do you believe in “Usog� ? My baby was frantically scandalous the other night at around 1 am. He almost woke up the whole neighborhood because of his loud and scared cry. I was told that I got to boil the cloths he wore in the mall when I took him there. That was an attempt to remove the “usog�. And so I did. It worked. This was one of those instances that it worked. The fact that I submit to the practice means that I am already a believer. There must be a rational or scientific explanation on this.

Treadmills are broken. Both of them. Some jackass took out the 110 plugs from the regulator and put them in directly to 220. Sigh. Back to running around UP sunken garden.

There are advantages of not bringing the car to work. It was Wednesday. My car is color-coded on Wednesdays. Usually I bring the car to work earlier than 7 am on Wednesdays just not to commit violation. One Wednesday, I was about to get my car to the parking area with my car-key in my grip when I thought of not bringing it. And so I walked pass the car and went straight to the MRT station. I put on my MP3 player and commuted away. Inside the MRT, I enjoyed examining the billboards more intensely. There were edifices I never thought were there till I took a rest from the stirring wheel. Now I know where the Libre Tabloids come from.

Put on the form you want to be known as. Although you may be far out of that image, acting the role would eventually bring the image as your own. It's like wet cement being poured inside a wooden form. Once it dries, it becomes the form. It makes sense when you are acting a role with the intention of being one eventually. It sounds fakin', but that's how you own it. I got to find my own form. A great image, I must say. I may not have the qualification to be somebody great but there is no harm acting to be one.

I am sure I got an eye for good scenery when I see one. One of the reasons why I bought my first digital camera is to attempt to capture what I sight as beauty and deliver it as good as I see it as an image. I am not a professional photographer but I think this is not bad.

Random Thought is much about anything. The objective is just to get clutters of my mind in a good view by laying them in words, to make use of the therapeutic value of writing and to enhance my writing skills. Sometimes I may find my own writings senseless while I am writing them. With this dissatisfaction, I will just brush this present opinion aside hoping that when I read them in another time, I would find light in them. Usually, I find my writing sensible after reading them. I just carry on.

I want to have a slow pace this time. No need to be in a hurry. I can point out everything without making a drastic move. It has to be like jogging: you don’t have to run faster when you know that you can’t catch your breath that way. It’s also the same with writing. Write at your own pace. Let your mind catch up with what you want to say. I may be slow at this point but after frequent writing with the proper pacing, I am sure I will be faster next time. And it would not be that long. Hurray! Once you lay out everything on the table, you can arrange them and then put them back in your mind. It’s defragging. . Right?

Restless am I, which I don’t know why. Intertwining roots might add up to my confusions. I can’t decipher them at this point but I have a strong faith with this writing that it would be able to straighten the mess. It still depends on how open I am to writing. I am still inhibited even to myself. It’s like I am not so brave in facing the truth. The truth gives me headache, I suppose. I might be beating around the bush but it should not be the case. Every area has to be embarked upon once and for all.

May prayer for the last few days: I guess they were not answered as I expected it. I don’t know. I reviewed the prayers in the past and the answers I received suggested a “NO�. What happened? Is this some kind of a test? Believing they are blessings in disguise must be a relieving factor here.

I sense that I have to clean the mess in order to see clearly. Cleanliness is next to godliness. I got so many clutters. What should I do with them? Get rid of the things that are not usable and arrange the usable to where they can be readily available. Hmmm.

This is my first blog ever. I have learned about blog from way back and I was sure that it was a great way to unload whatever comes out of my mind. I just did not have time to venture about this till now. I hope this is a start of something fruitful. Amen!